There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
