Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
