Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
