playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
