i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
