I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
