true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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