I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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