i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize