Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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