I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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