I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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