Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
