You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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