Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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