I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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