He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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