Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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