my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
