I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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