Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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