Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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