I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
