My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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