we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
