If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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