I think I won the penis lottery.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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