JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
