Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
