I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
