the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Randomize
