If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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