Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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