Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
