Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
