woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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