I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
