so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
