let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
