Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
