i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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