I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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