Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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