I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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