2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
