everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
