Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
