Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
