I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
