He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
