It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
