he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize