ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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