shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
