I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
