i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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