You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
