Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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