I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
