i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
