just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
