I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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