His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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